What to do after a breakup.

[joeybo]

Most of us has been through this several times and most of us are still lost what to really do after breakup. Sometimes it seems like what ever we do just makes things worse for ourselves.

I thought I would write my views and advice on what to do after a breakup as I recently experienced one.

These advices and thoughts are solely based on my own experience, what little I know about psychology and sociology and my own personal views. It’s not the absolute truth, but what really is? If these advices do not suite you, ignore it. If it helps, use it.

Here is what you should think about after a breakup.

Don’t start a new relationship.
Keep in mind that after a relationship, even if you are the one that broke it off or that you felt it ended for ages ago, you still where in a relationship that whole time and now being alone is probably all new to you. Most of the time you will understand you don’t fall in love with that new person you meet. You “fall in love” because you miss being with someone and that this is a new person. This is very rarely a truthful and honest feeling of love. You are not just tricking yourself, but you might end up breaking your and another persons hart in a short time. You don’t have to start a new relationship with that new person because you get along together. You can just be friends. Don’t let your longing for someone to fall asleep with let you fool you.

You are not the only one who is heartbroken.
Even if you got dumped or is the one who dumped, you probably are equally heartbroken. This is one thing that you should keep in mind when you talk to friends, talk to co-workers and of course your ex. Even if you both hated each others guts at the end of the relationship there was still a reason why you where together to the bitter end.

Stay friends or never talk again.
The easiest for both parties is usually to just wish each other good luck in life and go separate paths. Maybe, just maybe have chat if you ever cross paths in the future. IT sounds harsh, but most of the times this is the easiest for both parties emotionally.

If you choose to stay friends you have to keep in mind that it maybe take longer to get over the relationship, as you still will be talking and some situations and discussions might spark old emotions. You also have to keep in mind that everyone needs their time to get over the breakup and the feelings they had for you. You might just need 2 weeks, but someone else needs 2 years to clears their thoughts to be able to reset their feelings.

Your ex could not care less about your new love.
If you believe your ex wants to hear about your new love, then you probably need to start to take other peoples feelings into consideration. If your ex never wanted to hear about your ex boyfriends/girlfriends, there is a big chance this is even a bigger no-no. And this is of course not always related to the person being uncomfortable with hearing about ex’. You two had something together, it’s not always so easy to see someone you loved with someone else.

You also have to take your new loves feelings into consideration. The longer relationship you had with your ex, the bigger danger the new love sees the ex as. If you still can’t let go of your ex for your new love, maybe your weren’t ready to move on?

Even if you don’t love your ex any more or your ex don’t love you any more, that’s why you probably breakup, you still took care of each other the time you were together. So the longer you were together, sometimes the harder is to get over that relationship.

Are friends and co-workers hands off?
It’s not written in stone, but starting a new relationship within your same group of friends or at work is rather inconsiderate. If you choose to start a new relationship rather early your have the full right to do so, but at least if it not in the same group of friends you have or at work you can kind of not letting your ex see you two so often. And at work your ex will see you 5 days a week, 8 hours a day and only have 2 days of the week not seeing you together.

If you have the same group of friends it is of course easier to be more subtle about it and kind of give your ex space without you two seen together, but at work it is a different story. At work your ex can’t really “escape” and you can’t really “hide” what is going on. Would you really feel responsible for your ex leaving his/her job because he/she can’t stand the sight of you two being together? Or just doing a bad job because he/she don’t feel comfortable about the situation?

As I will mention in the next advice, you don’t have to be selfish to get over a breakup.

[joeybo]

Take an emotional holiday.
This is time for you to take a holiday with your emotions. Let them be alone and relax without anyone messing with them. This is now your time to take care of yourself. Do what you need to do. Do you need 1 month away from relationships or do you 3 years? Either way, do it. You don’t only deserve it, you also need it. It can be hard to say no to temptation, but in the long run you and your emotions will thank you.

This is also the time for you to get in touch with your inner-self. Find out what you want and need. Listen to friends, but listen most of all to yourself, because in the end you are the only one who knows what you really want and need.

Of course, don’t be selfish. It’s very easy to do what is needed for you without hurting and pushing people who care about you.

Did you really want it to end?
This is probably a question that most of us have asked us, but being were we are now and thinking back why it ended you kind of understand this is probably the right way to go for now. Just keep in mind, if your ever want to get back together, be wary about what you do and say. Just the smallest thing might be the last nail in the coffin for getting back together again.

A new chapter in your life.
As said, a breakup is never easy and far from fun. No one likes it, because no one wants to feel that the time spent will soon be forgotten. Just try do the best that is possible for yourself considering the situation. It’s not the end of your life even some days it seems like it.

I hope these few advices and thoughts have been somewhat helpful for you if you also experienced a breakup. For me these are the thoughts the comes to mind that somewhat keeps me sane and not ending up lying at home in bed thinking life sucks and life has no meaning. I try to learn from the situation and look at the positive side of what is happening in my life now. And so should you.